How to Make People Like You

A Date With A Book –August Edition

I hope you are on board for a new series on the Worldpalblog!

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As books are my portals to travel anywhere anytime (Often further than I could possibly imagine.) and a big passion of mine, I thought each month I could set you up for a fun (blind) date… Don’t worry, nothing fancy. This will be more the jogging pants, lazy T-shirt and coffee kind of date. With a book.

BookReview

Exploration begins with a book

I hope this goes right down your lane and you are as much in love with the written word as I am.

(As you might know, I have taken on this challenge in the past and I definitely like to give it my own twist. I am also counting on your input at the end of the article!)

Who am I setting you up with in September?

Buch

 

“How to Win Friends & Influence People” by Dale Carnegie.

Rating: 4/5

As it is a timeless classic, “How to Win Friends & Influence People” tickles a nerve. It is one of the best selling business books worldwide with over 15 million copies sold and in print since 1936! Are you curious yet what piece engaged this many readers? I was.

 

The bookworm in me says 

My copy had the musty smell old books typically have. Meaning it could either be a smelly compilement of pages or a timeless treasure.

daisy-32805_960_720Dale Carnegies’s work is the later. If you want to brush over your social skills and make them golden, this book is for you.

The book falls into four parts: 1) Fundamental Techniques in Handling People, 2) Six Ways To Make People Like You, 3) How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking and 4) Be A Leader: How To Change People Without Giving Offense or Arouse Resentment.

Even though I feel Dale Carnegie’s ideas are in no way revolutionizing the world of social interactions today (For instance, it shouldn’t come to you as a surprise that people tend to like you more if you smile.), they are the key social skills that might later be your door opener to a flourishing social life or a leading role.

Even though there is so much to take away from this book and each new principle is introduced with anecdotes of well-known leaders in their fields, like President Lincoln or the singer Stevie Wonder, I wanted to focus this article on what I found to be the number one hack to successful communication skills.

When you want to make people like you, rather think of it as becoming the person that people like.

“Yet I know and you know people who blunder through life trying to wigwag other people into becoming interested in them. Of course, it doesn’t work. They are not interested in me. They are not interested in you. They are interested in themselves – morning, noon and after dinner.”

Dale Carnegie: How to Win Friends & Influence People, page 54

How to Make People Like You

Do you have a dog? Dale Carnegie had one.  My husband has one. A dog lady, in fact. Her name is Gladys.

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She is just the most adorable little thing: She barks with excitement when she sees you, wiggles her tail whenever you get home and follows your every step just to be close–Even, if you’re just dozing off on the couch watching Netflix or cutting up carrots. (Or maybe especially then.) It’s these things that make my family and I love her so much.

(If you have a dog yourself, I am sure you can relate.)

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Gladys might not be a communication professor or consciously thinking about how to make people like her, she simply does. And you can do it, too!

Why is it so easy to like love dogs? –Because they are genuinely interested in you and make you feel important.

Hence, you should also be genuinely interested in people and make them feel important. (Just don’t over-commit. It comes off as clingy)

While people tend to be only interested in their leading role of their own movie that they call reality, you should try to burst out of your bubble. Don’t you want to know what their movie is about rather than constantly watching the “This Is the Amazing Me” –Show?

Even though it appears almost “too easy”, check yourself. How much are you truly investing into the people around you?

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How to Be Genuinely Interested In People

“If we want to make friends, let’s greet people with animation and enthusiasm.”

Dale Carnegie: How to Win Friends & Influence People, page 61

To be genuinely interested in people, you need the right mindset: Appreciate your communication partner. If that’s too general for you, keep one thing specifically in mind that you can appreciate about them and warp your positive thoughts around. If the person is a stranger to you, maybe it could be something small and general you noticed about them. For me, it could be the way they greet or the way they laugh with their friends. It can honestly be anything: their dieting style, the fact that they work out, etc. .

This way, it should be easy for you to treat them as if you already like them.

Why should you do that? Because others will treat you as you treat them. (Ideally)

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Now, let’s take a look at two different situations: Each is a conversation between Tom and Sue. Pay attention to Tom’s reaction to Sue’s answer.

Example 1 Example 2
Tom: How was your weekend, Sue?

Sue: It was great. I worked out at the fitness center and broke my record of 15 pushups.

Tom: Wow. That’s incredible. Pushups are really hard to do. I remember doing them in school. I could only do 10. How did you manage to break your record?

Tom: How was your weekend?

Sue: It was great. I worked out at the fitness center and broke my record of 15 pushups.

Tom: I watched Netflix all weekend.

 

In example 1, Tom shows a genuine interest in Sue. In example 2, he doesn’t.

How do we know that?

In the example 1, Tom invested in the conversation and demonstrated an understanding of what Sue was saying rather than being oblivious to her answer and acting as if he was following a script.

20785963462_05722aa952_bAn easy way to engage in a conversation is to relate to your own experiences, like Tom did in example 1, or your own knowledge about the topic. (Yes, it pays off to have a general understanding of many things.) If you don’t know anything the other person is talking about, maybe you can segway into a topic you are more comfortable with.

Once, I found myself caught in a conversation which I thought would turn out to be the most horrid discussion of my life. I hadn’t seen my friend in a year, as he attended Cambridge. (I was so proud of him.) As you can imagine, I wanted to hear all about it. To my shock though, the only thing he was interested in was garbage disposal. Freaking garbage disposal. I don’t know about you, but to me, this has boredom written all over it. The only reason I didn’t completely hate it was because I ordered apple juice with alcohol by mistake and could find some joy in his stories.

Yet, how foolish was I? In fact, I could have easily turned the night around in a way that I can display a genuine interest in him and his new-found passion of garbage disposal. As you might know, I am against one-use plastics. Maybe a segway into plastics and its disposal could have saved the night.

Also, bring value to the conversation. Maybe your conversation partner is looking for a place to take his girlfriend and you have a place to recommend.

“If we want to make friends, let’s put ourselves out to do things for other people- things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness”.

Dale Carnegie: How to Win Friends & Influence People, page 60

Obviously, it helps if you find a common interest. Maybe ask if the other person likes something that you are really fond of. This way, you have something to talk about you both like. This could also be a great conversation starter.

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In example 1, Tom is a good listener. He doesn’t only half-listen, dozes off or thinks about what he can bring to the conversation once Sue stops talking.

Furthermore, he encourages her to talk about herself more by asking “How did you manage to break your record?” and focuses on her interests.

Do the same. After all, you have to remember, that they are the star in their movie. Not you.

As my last two bonbons of advice: 1) Put your phone away and look at your conversation partner. 2) Remember, that to them, their name is the sweetest thing.

travel candy

Dipping into the pool of common knowledge

What is your piece of advice to the Worldpalblog-Family when it comes to making people like you/ making friends? Please, let me know in the comments below. I can’t wait to read your input.

About The Book

Also, if you are interested in reading “How to Win Friends & Influence People” by Dale Carnegie, I’d be happy to lend you my copy if you promise me to mail it back within a reasonable time. Just leave me a comment or a message so we can get in touch.

Love, Worldpal

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